


Reassurances

by Blink_Blue



Series: Tumblr Prompts (Coliver) [7]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Insecurity, Jealousy, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 18:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5836303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blink_Blue/pseuds/Blink_Blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver's ex-boyfriend rolls into town. Connor has a hard time dealing with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reassurances

Connor stumbles out of their bedroom just in time to see Oliver hang up his phone with a silly smile on his face. His boyfriend’s voice from the one sided conversation he overheard from the other room was much too cheerful considering how early in the morning it was.

“Hey, what are you doing on Sunday?” Oliver asks in the same excited voice when he sees him walk over.

“Um…” Connor scratches his head and tries to think of what he has to do that weekend. His brain feels way too groggy still before his morning cup of coffee. “I have an exam I should probably study for. Let’s hope Annalise doesn’t have any crazy weekend case briefs to prepare. That’s about it.”

“Do you maybe want to go to lunch with me… and a friend?” Oliver asks with a hopeful grin.

But Connor frowns. “What friend? You sound weird. I thought I met most of your friends.”

“His name is Jamie,” Oliver explains as he grabs the coffee pot and pours Connor a cup of coffee. “We haven’t seen each other in over three years, but we were really close, and we kind of kept in touch on and off, and… um…” He hesitantly trails off as Connor takes a large gulp from his coffee. His tired, half lidded eyes watch him expectantly over the top of the mug. “He’s… he’s an ex-boyfriend.”

Connor’s eyes widen, and he lowers the mug onto the counter maybe a little louder than he wanted to. “An ex-boyfriend,” he says bluntly. “You’re going to lunch with your ex-boyfriend? You want _me_ to go to lunch with you… _and_ your ex-boyfriend?”

“I–I know it sounds weird,” Oliver says with a laugh. 

Connor gives him a raised eyebrow and a look that says _you think?_

“But–but It’s not like that. We ended on good terms.” Oliver shrugs his shoulders and awkwardly grabs a nearby dish towel, and wipes away at an invisible spill on the counter. “We try to keep in touch. He’s still a good friend of mine, and I want you to meet him.”

Connor raises a another skeptical eyebrow. “You’re still good friends with an ex? What’s that like?”

“Yes,” Oliver says defensively. “Yes, I am. And it’s not weird,” he adds.

“Is he hot?”

“He’s–he’s–I think he’s–” Oliver stutters, and his cheeks flush red from the smirk that Connor gives him. “Yeah, he’s oka–he–he has good days, I mean, he’s alright,” he finally mumbles.

Connor grins at the other man’s embarrassment. “So, basically this guy’s got nothing on me.”

Oliver rolls his eyes at his boyfriend’s inflated ego. “Okay, so he’s not the best looking guy in the world. But he’s really sweet, and I want you to be nice to him.”

“And I’ve got nothing to worry about, right?”

“Of course not!” 

And that’s the end of that conversation, temporarily anyway, because Connor has an early 8AM class and Oliver needs to go to work. And no matter how many times Connor asks– _come on, Ollie, I’ll do that thing that you like with the loofah–_ Oliver insists he had already showered and if Connor wants morning shower sex he should have woken up earlier. 

And Connor doesn’t think anymore about their lunch date _(?)_ with Oliver’s ex, for the next few days.  

Until Sunday rolls around, and the two of them are puttering around their apartment, just passing the time until it’s time to head out to the restaurant.

“So you and Jamie, what’s the story there?” Connor asks, his curiosity finally getting the best of him. “Why’d you guys break up? You said you ended on good terms, right?” He chuckles softly. “What the hell is that like?”

“We did end on good terms. Well, as much as we could given the circumstances. We dated for three years,” Oliver explains. “And it was fine. But then he got accepted into this really prestigious, really great grad program, University of Melbourne. So Australia, you know? But it was perfect for him, and the professor that he wanted to work with was set with him coming on board, like she loved the work he had done previously on high performance computing. And the program was perfect for him. It was everything that he wanted to do, and… you know, it’s like a four to six year program. We figured long distance for that long is pretty much impossible. So we broke it off.” Oliver takes a moment to watch Connor’s expression, which up until now had been pretty blank and unreadable. But he gets nothing from him. “Anyway uh… he just finished his degree, and he’s back in the states. So he called and wanted to catch up over lunch. And I mentioned you! And how great you are. And he–he wants to meet you.”

Connor gives a small nod but doesn’t say anything more. He doesn’t want to admit that he feels a bit insecure. After all, now he knows Oliver and his ex only broke up because of Jamie going to grad school and the ten thousand miles that would have been between them. Now that that’s over… well, what’s to stop Jamie from coming back for the one that got away?

“That must have been tough,” he finally says.

“Yeah, well, we were pretty friendly about it. There were no fights, no loud arguments. I didn’t beg him to stay, and he didn’t ask me to go with him. I could tell that’s what he wanted, and you know, I just wanted him to be happy. And me making him stay would have just made him miserable,” he shrugs. “Actually, the distance made it easier, to get over, you know? A nice clean break. We kept in touch a bit, later on, which was nice. But anyway, go get dressed! We’ve got to go!”

Begrudgingly so, Connor does. And if he makes sure to wear his tightest, dark button down shirt, along with the pants that hug his ass just right–the pair that makes Oliver want to pull them off him the second he sees him–well, it’s no coincidence. He also spends extra time in front of the mirror making sure his hair looks perfect, every strand in the right place–so much so that Oliver has to drag him out of the bathroom. “We’re going to be late! And your hair looks good no matter what you do to it! It’s one of the things I hate about you!”

Oliver’s kidding about the hate part, of course. But it doesn’t quell the bubble of anxiety in his chest. The same voice that constantly tells him he’s not good enough for Oliver, that reminds him daily that Oliver could wake up one day and realize he deserves better, says this could be the day that happens. Maybe Jamie is Oliver’s one that got away. And now he’s come back, presumably to stay, and Oliver will realize that Connor is just a walking, pathetic mess of a man whose life would completely fall apart without him, and he’ll conclude that he can do so much better than him. Maybe that’s why Oliver asked him to come along.

So the very least he can do is make sure he looks his best, and maybe that’ll be enough to keep Oliver’s attention on him. 

He feels like an anxious ball of stress the entire drive to the restaurant, all the way up until they take their seats across from Jamie–average height, light brown hair, crooked teeth, a bit plain looking. Definitely not someone Connor would have considered hooking up with during his previous promiscuous days. But Oliver’s face lights up in a grin that mirrors Jamie’s and they embrace each other in a hug that lasts a little too long for Connor’s liking.

Oliver introduces him of course, polite as always. 

“This is my boyfriend, Connor.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Connor! Oliver’s told me a lot about you.”

Connor returns a brilliant smile and a confident greeting, and if that facade is silently hiding the fear and anxiety that’s boiling deep in the pit of his stomach–so much that the mere thought of eating makes him want to puke–well, no one needs to know.

And if Oliver notices, he doesn’t say anything. 

So they spend the next two hours talking about Jamie’s grad school experience–they meaning Oliver and Jamie, Connor just sits there, barely eating, feel worse with every laugh that comes out of Oliver’s mouth, every nerdy computer joke that he doesn’t understand, and all the complicated technical talk that makes his head spin. 

And Connor slowly realizes that this is Oliver in his element. Oliver loves the technical, computer stuff. He’s always keeping up with the latest on Hacker News, reading about the newest advances in the field, and Connor certainly doesn’t provide good conversation for such topics. He’ll listen to Oliver drone on and on about topics he doesn’t know, words he doesn’t understand, unable to do much other than nod and try not to lose focus. 

But watching Oliver and his ex talk about the potential job offers that Jamie may be getting soon, Connor realizes that he recognizes the excited look on Oliver’s face. It’s the same look he has every time he hacks something for one of Annalise’s cases: eager and enthusiastic.

So maybe that’s the reason why Oliver has stayed with him for so long. There’s no denying the thrill of excitement he gets every time he’s asked to break the law, whether it’s hacking into the police department or some corporate email account. And if that’s the only reason Oliver has stayed with him, well that just doesn’t bode well for him, seeing how he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep working for Annalise. 

The thought of Oliver breaking up with him because he’s _bored_ of him, add that to the seemingly never ending list of things that terrify Connor Walsh. 

Of course, the next thought that plagues him is would Oliver be happier with someone else? The answer is almost certainly yes, if the laughter and happy chatter going on in front of him is any indication. There’s no denying the happiness on Jamie’s face either. Clearly the two were once infatuated with each other, and now it looks like the only obstacle in front of their ever after happiness is Connor himself. Why the hell did Oliver even invite him to this lunch? He’s not participating in the conversation, he’s not really included in it at all. Was it so that Connor could witness and conclude for himself that Oliver doesn’t want to be with him anymore, now that a better option has presented itself?

What’s that saying? If you love someone, let them go?

He doesn’t want to let Oliver go. Oliver is the one good thing in his life that he never thought he’d have, that he knows he doesn’t deserve. And if Oliver is gone, he’ll never find that feeling ever again. And maybe he would finally fall apart.

He feels a bit like crying. Or screaming. Or both.

Maybe if he were out of the picture, Oliver could finally be with someone that could make him happy. Happy Oliver. That’s all he wants. Happy Oliver, happy Oliver…

 

“Connor, what’s wrong?” Oliver asks. “You’ve been acting weird all day. And you barely said a word at lunch.”

“Oh, now you fucking notice,” Connor mutters under his breath.

Oliver freezes, his jacket hangs off one shoulder as he stares in shock at the other man. “Okay, you’re upset,” he says slowly. “Why are you upset?”

“I don’t know, Oliver, do I seem upset to you? I’m surprised you even noticed given how much attention you were giving to your ex the entire time.”

“Are–are you jealous?” Oliver asks, a small smile on his face. 

“Well, shouldn’t I be?” Connor asks heatedly. “Because you guys are so fucking perfect together?”

“Connor…” Oliver shakes his head. “We’re not–”

“No, Oliver,” Connor interrupts angrily. “I’m not blind, okay? You guys looked so damn happy together. And the only reason that you guys broke up isn’t a reason anymore.” 

“I don’t want to be with him, Connor. My relationship with him was so long ago. I’ve moved on, quite happily.” Oliver says softly. He’s still got a small, hint of a smile on his lips, and that only seems to make Connor more upset, because why doesn’t Oliver see what is so obvious to him?

“Come on, I saw the way you two were smiling and laughing, talking like you hadn’t just spent the past five years apart,” Connor says bitterly. “You’ve got your little programmer jokes and you’re speaking in code about code, and basically being completely adorable together. You looked so damn happy, Oliver. When have you ever had that with me?” 

“It’s really not like that, Connor.” The smile is gone from Oliver’s face, replaced by a look of genuine concern. Maybe he had underestimated how upset Connor really was about the situation. “I don’t feel that way about him, not anymore. And what you and I have, it’s different–”

But Connor shakes his head. He doesn’t want to hear how different their relationship is. “Be honest with me, Oliver. Would you rather be with him? Tell me the truth. And you better not say you choose me because you think I’m hot, because I swear to god if you say I could be a model one more time–”

Oliver’s eyes widen. “What? No! Connor, that’s not why I’m with you–”

“It’s all you ever talk about, Ollie! Is how gorgeous you think I am! What am I supposed to think?”

Oliver’s shoulders drop as he watches the other man wring his hands through his hair, the way he does every time that he’s stressed, angry, or nervous. Even from this distance he can see the tears in Connor’s eyes. He can’t deny the guilt that eats at him, because yeah, he does bring up Connor’s good looks pretty often. But even now, months into their relationship, he still can’t believe a guy like Connor is with a guy like him. But he had never meant to upset the other man by it.

“Look, I’m not… I’m not smart like him,” Connor says, shaking his head. “I–I roll my eyes every time you try to explain your computer speak to me, because I’m too embarrassed to admit I have no idea what you’re talking about. My work is a mess right now, it’s literally killing me, and I’m not even sure if I can keep going–”

“Connor…”

“I know you deserve better than a law school drop out. And if you want to leave me for him, just tell me now so there won’t be any surprises.”

Oliver takes a few steps forward. Connor still looks like he’s about to break down in tears, and all he wants to do is reassure him that everything between them is fine. “I’m not getting back together with Jamie. I’m not leaving you. I love you, Connor.”

“But don’t you love him too? You were together three years. That’s a hell of a lot longer than you and me. And I bet he never cheated on you either.”

“I have no interest in getting back together with Jamie,” Oliver says softly as he shakes his head. “Honestly… my reasons for today probably weren’t the best, and I’m sorry for that. I guess I wanted to see him again, but really, I was kind of hoping to make you jealous, and I think it may have worked a little too well.” He feels ashamed now that he’s said his intentions out loud, they sound shameful even to his own ears. “I just wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of you. I’m so sorry. I never imagined you’d get so upset over it.”

But Connor feels his anger fading a bit at Oliver’s confession. Maybe it should have made him angrier, but all he hears is that Oliver has no interest in leaving him for someone else.

“Look, Connor, Jamie and I were together for a long time, and yeah we liked each other, had a lot in common, but there was no passion between us. No lust, or fight, I’m not even sure I really loved him. And I know I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.” Oliver closes the distance between them. Connor’s arms are wrapped tightly around his midsection, a clear sign that he’s feeling insecure. But he doesn’t look as upset as he did before. Oliver places his hands on the other man’s arms, and rubs them gently. “When Jamie left, we just ended, and we both moved on with our lives. We didn’t fight about it. It was just over. And believe me, if you tried to leave. I would have some strong words to say.”

They both chuckle softly, and Connor feels the tension in his chest start to fade. “I’m not leaving,” he says softly.

“You better not. I’m in this for the long haul, Connor. There’s no one I’d rather be with than you. And it’s definitely not because you could be a model.” Connor gives him a wry smile and Oliver is quick to respond. “Look, you’re gorgeous. I know I say that a lot. But your looks are not why I fell in love with you. You’re beautiful on the inside too. And you’re so smart, Connor. I see how hard you work for your classes and for Annalise. And if you can’t finish, I don’t care. I know you’re brilliant. I fell in love with the _person_ that you are. You make me smile and laugh and cry, and you make me thankful every single day that I get to come home to you.” 

Oliver’s hands reach up to cup the younger man’s face and he leans forward to place a gentle kiss on his lips. They slowly melt into their embrace, and Connor’s arms loosen around himself to rest on the other man’s waist. 

“I don’t want to be with anyone but you, Connor. I love you.”

“I love you too, Ollie. Sorry I was the jealous boyfriend today,” he says looking a bit embarrassed.

“I’m kind of glad,” Oliver says with a small smile. “If you had no reaction, I would’ve thought I had something to worry about.”

Connor rolls his eyes. “You’re so mean to me,” he jokes.

“I really am sorry though,” Oliver says seriously. “You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

 _Well, I wouldn’t go that far,_ Connor thinks to himself. There are an endless number of things Connor worries about on a daily basis. Sam’s murder, Annalise Keating, and prison being just a few. But at least he doesn’t have to worry about Oliver’s ex boyfriend snatching him back up. 

One step at a time, that’s the best he can do.

**Author's Note:**

> [x](http://winters-blue-children.tumblr.com)


End file.
